I am starting to think that the reason that I have such a hard time with my weight is that maybe I have never had any control over anything in my life after a certain point besides food. When I was younger, I really didn’t have any control over what I ate or when because my parents always did it for me. They would control every single aspect of what and when I ate and would not allow me any extras such as sodas or candies very often. Once I got older and had the freedom to choose which foods I could eat, I just went crazy. I am thinking that food is truly the only thing I feel like I have total control over at this point in my life as well even though I’m nowhere close to being a teenager anymore. I have just begun to realize that I think I have been doing everything in my life because I thought that was what I was supposed to do and what society said I should do and what family and friends want me to do. I also have a really hard time hurting anyone’s feelings so it makes it even harder to do anything I truly want to do even if it begins as something that I thought I truly wanted to do. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to live just choosing exactly what I want to do in life but I’d at least like to give it a try even if it pisses a lot of people off. I really think that it might help me to control my urges to eat food and help me to lose weight if I really just did what I wanted in life instead of solely things that I felt like I had to do. If I can work up enough courage to disappoint people around me and say no to them and be forceful about it and set up boundaries then maybe I can make this happen. I also could end up making everyone I know hate me but that could be the cost of moving on with my life and creating an entirely new life that I may enjoy much better. I bet it will be a really painful process to go through though just like many learning and growing experiences in life because you see things that you never knew were there or were truths that you didn’t know were there. I hope I can get myself pumped up enough to do it and be my own true self.