Home » Uncategorized » And today the shais hits the fan

And today the shais hits the fan

Actually, it all came to a head yesterday but today it feels different. I thought I would feel better for standing my ground and creating boundaries and telling the people that are causing problems what they are doing and how I would appreciate it if they would try to understand. Instead, I feel like total shais. This is the way it always works though. I begin to feel like everything is my fault because they cut off communication. I am in need of communication, or at least I was when I was a child, and I would go running back to them to try to prove myself and do whatever they need to show me love again. I am realizing now that they are just people even though they were supposed to be there for me and they have some sort of deep seeded issues going on here. They just cannot seem to show support to me and give me the love I need if I am not the good son and do exactly what they want and say. There are many other people in this world that are even related to them by blood that do way worse things than just say that they don’t want to help take care of an old relative such as spending all the thousands of dollars he gave them on alcohol and drugs, drive without a license in a car that he gave them, get arrested and ask him to spend a thousand dollars to bail them out, repeatedly as for more money to try to cash in on some money exchange theme, call them randomly and say come pick me up at the airport because I just got back into town from out of the country without giving them a warning at all. I don’t know what’s going on but these relatives do things that are way worse than anything that I ever do or really ever would do and they know that and yet when I say no to a request they start talking about how they feel so sad for me because my life is going to be horrible because I don’t react to people the right way and treat people the right way and how their hands are shaking when they type because they are so disappointed in me and so upset about what I have done to them. I just don’t get it at all. I guess I really never did. I’m not their slave. I’m not even their indentured slave. I’m not even an employee. Wouldn’t you think the fact that I am a very important relative in their life would make them want to treat me better and not worse? Instead, they treat me as if I am the worst thing that has ever happened to them. I guess they had dreams and aspirations for me and I am not living up to what they created me for but I guess they never thought through the fact that I am a human being and they can’t force me to be who they want me to be. I never thought that the people that I would need to disconnect from and to realize that what they are doing so wrong would be these specific people in my life. I will come back and work on making this blog sound more professional and look better and correct later but for now I am just writing as a journal to myself to get my thoughts out there and feel better and figure out what is going on. Stream of consciousness, I guess you would say.


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