Is there any way I can make a living doing this?
I have been thinking about it and have come to the decision that I want to be a creator. I always have wanted to be a creator. I have been wasting my entire life thinking about money, if the room is clean, if the dishes are put up, how to clean out my storage space, how to cut back on the expenses, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, and I’m tired of it. It has cost me years and years of life that I could have been spent being creative and composing, writing, building, designing architecture, painting, drawing, whatever the fuck I want to do as long as it’s creative! I am just tired of it. I think I am at the point that I am going to be like the “birds of the air” like Jesus says in the bible verse in Matthew and just do what I am best at doing and what I feel like I am put here to do (aka my “calling”) and see if I am taken care of or not. I may end up losing my home, my car, my fat (that would be a good thing to lose), my “friends”, etc., but I just don’t want to waste any more time on all of these other things that don’t matter to me at all. I may change my mind once I don’t have the things that I need every day of my life to have food and such but we’ll just wait until that happens and see. I’ve got the whole wide world (marble) in my hand!
I know I need money to live but I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to quit trying so hard to figure out a way that I can make money and just do the things that I feel like I am put here to do which are all creative endeavors. I’ve wasted most of my life trying to figure out a way to stay above water while suffering in jobs that I hate and wasting all my time thinking about how to make money so I can just survive doing them. It’s a vicious cycle and I am going to break that cycle and see what happens. I may end up dirt poor living on the street with no insurance or clothes or anything but I just am tired of it and don’t care too much anymore at this point. Well, that’s not 100% true. I really do care. I wish I could have some money and get it much easier than the stress it causes me but I can’t. I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore at all. I am just going to make plans throughout the day to compose music, write some songs, do some creative writing, possibly some autobiographical writing, come up with inventions, design some architecture, draw a sketch, paint a painting, do some other type of art, make a stained glass piece, start an antique or art collection, etc. I will make plans to do creative things throughout the day rather than waste another second thinking about money and how I can ever possibly make enough going by the rules of this world. I guess I am saying that I am going to purposely become a starving artist. That could be a good thing. I could watch less television and movies and also lose a few pounds. I probably will become much healthier by doing this. Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Actually, we won’t have to wait that long because I am going to start doing this tomorrow. It will take a while to find out how much I’ll lose or gain by doing this though. Hopefully I can stick with it. Let’s see if I am brave enough to do it. I’m beginning to think that I’ve had it backwards all along. Maybe being a “starving artist” is not a literal thing. I was the one that was truly starving by missing out on my art and soul in my life. By doing this then I will finally be fulfilled again and not hungry for my true calling anymore. The artist that is not able to do his art is the one that is truly starving.
The true starving artist
I’m not really sure where or how to start posting on here other than the posts that I copied from previously about bipolar disorder so I’m just going to start with a random one that I also posted on Facebook. Enjoy?