Apparently, I like to post things and write things and comment on things on the interwebs.

Is there any way I can make a living doing this?

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I am the creator! Okay, maybe not THE creator, but A creator.

I have been thinking about it and have come to the decision that I want to be a creator. I always have wanted to be a creator. I have been wasting my entire life thinking about money, if the room is clean, if the dishes are put up, how to clean out my storage space, how to cut back on the expenses, blah, blah, blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, and I’m tired of it. It has cost me years and years of life that I could have been spent being creative and composing, writing, building, designing architecture, painting, drawing, whatever the fuck I want to do as long as it’s creative! I am just tired of it. I think I am at the point that I am going to be like the “birds of the air” like Jesus says in the bible verse in Matthew and just do what I am best at doing and what I feel like I am put here to do (aka my “calling”) and see if I am taken care of or not. I may end up losing my home, my car, my fat (that would be a good thing to lose), my “friends”, etc., but I just don’t want to waste any more time on all of these other things that don’t matter to me at all. I may change my mind once I don’t have the things that I need every day of my life to have food and such but we’ll just wait until that happens and see. I’ve got the whole wide world (marble) in my hand!Image

The true starving artist

I know I need money to live but I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to quit trying so hard to figure out a way that I can make money and just do the things that I feel like I am put here to do which are all creative endeavors. I’ve wasted most of my life trying to figure out a way to stay above water while suffering in jobs that I hate and wasting all my time thinking about how to make money so I can just survive doing them. It’s a vicious cycle and I am going to break that cycle and see what happens. I may end up dirt poor living on the street with no insurance or clothes or anything but I just am tired of it and don’t care too much anymore at this point. Well, that’s not 100% true. I really do care. I wish I could have some money and get it much easier than the stress it causes me but I can’t. I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore at all. I am just going to make plans throughout the day to compose music, write some songs, do some creative writing, possibly some autobiographical writing, come up with inventions, design some architecture, draw a sketch, paint a painting, do some other type of art, make a stained glass piece, start an antique or art collection, etc. I will make plans to do creative things throughout the day rather than waste another second thinking about money and how I can ever possibly make enough going by the rules of this world. I guess I am saying that I am going to purposely become a starving artist. That could be a good thing. I could watch less television and movies and also lose a few pounds. I probably will become much healthier by doing this. Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Actually, we won’t have to wait that long because I am going to start doing this tomorrow. It will take a while to find out how much I’ll lose or gain by doing this though. Hopefully I can stick with it. Let’s see if I am brave enough to do it. I’m beginning to think that I’ve had it backwards all along. Maybe being a “starving artist” is not a literal thing. I was the one that was truly starving by missing out on my art and soul in my life. By doing this then I will finally be fulfilled again and not hungry for my true calling anymore. The artist that is not able to do his art is the one that is truly starving.

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The true starving artist

On my way out of debt… or at least the small debts

I’m not really sure where or how to start posting on here other than the posts that I copied from previously about bipolar disorder so I’m just going to start with a random one that I also posted on Facebook. Enjoy?

I amazingly didn’t lose my job somehow after all the false accusations and screaming at me at work and was able to withstand it long enough to be able to calm myself before I acted on my urge to quit. With that said, I have finally been able to pay off most of the debt that I acquired over the past two years during my period of unemployment. I just recently received my tax refund and my dad helped out as well so that was a blessing. I still have $2836.37 left to go but that is not much of anything compared to how much I owed. Plus I still have the big loans in life to pay off like my mortgage and student loans. I know that over two-thousand dollars still sounds like a high amount but you should have seen how much I owed when I first started paying back the debts that had accrued during my unemployment. I had lots of debt backed up such as medical bills, mortgage payments, HOA fees, credit cards, other lines of credit, etc. I’m glad to see that I’m getting much closer to being back to normal and hopefully getting my credit fixed AGAIN. I’d like to get out of this crazy condo situation sooner than later.

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