I know I need money to live but I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to quit trying so hard to figure out a way that I can make money and just do the things that I feel like I am put here to do which are all creative endeavors. I’ve wasted most of my life trying to figure out a way to stay above water while suffering in jobs that I hate and wasting all my time thinking about how to make money so I can just survive doing them. It’s a vicious cycle and I am going to break that cycle and see what happens. I may end up dirt poor living on the street with no insurance or clothes or anything but I just am tired of it and don’t care too much anymore at this point. Well, that’s not 100% true. I really do care. I wish I could have some money and get it much easier than the stress it causes me but I can’t. I just don’t think it’s worth it anymore at all. I am just going to make plans throughout the day to compose music, write some songs, do some creative writing, possibly some autobiographical writing, come up with inventions, design some architecture, draw a sketch, paint a painting, do some other type of art, make a stained glass piece, start an antique or art collection, etc. I will make plans to do creative things throughout the day rather than waste another second thinking about money and how I can ever possibly make enough going by the rules of this world. I guess I am saying that I am going to purposely become a starving artist. That could be a good thing. I could watch less television and movies and also lose a few pounds. I probably will become much healthier by doing this. Well, I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Actually, we won’t have to wait that long because I am going to start doing this tomorrow. It will take a while to find out how much I’ll lose or gain by doing this though. Hopefully I can stick with it. Let’s see if I am brave enough to do it. I’m beginning to think that I’ve had it backwards all along. Maybe being a “starving artist” is not a literal thing. I was the one that was truly starving by missing out on my art and soul in my life. By doing this then I will finally be fulfilled again and not hungry for my true calling anymore. The artist that is not able to do his art is the one that is truly starving.
The true starving artist
Elt Surnoir 
Okay I think you’re right about the starving artist thing. And sorry for writing all of these comments and bombarding you’re page but it’s nice to read someone that understands and feels the same way I do. So, yeah. I guess you can’t starve with food stamps? What are the creative outlets you want to try? I am lucky because I have photography. It makes me some money. I haven’t had success with jobs (HSP). I left my most recent job because I learned the contract was ending so I left and moved back to a place I love. Before that job I had a part time job teaching as an adjunct at a two year college (awesome, 30 hr work week, in the evenings, 20.00 an hour) I was totally cool with that until classes went from three a week to one a week and then I got laid off. Anyway blah blah blah the point is, same thing. I am applying for counseling type jobs (not wanting them) thinking maybe I’ll just work part time at a gas station and try to do more photography. 🙂 What is that book where the zen dude works at a gas station?
It’s fine if you bombard my page because I do the exact same thing to other people all the time! When I get excited about something, especially if it’s new to me, I just go crazy with it for a while. I eventually calm down though and it’s not a big deal. Most people freak out because they can’t handle that amount of stuff all happening at once. I can understand it though because I do the exact same thing. I think they mentioned something like that in the book The Highly Sensitive Person, too. That we can get really excited about stuff be really into it for a while but we get really bored very quickly, too. So we pretty much change and try new things over and over our entire lives.
Yeah, at this point, I’m willing to just try to see what happens and stop thinking about money and just work on my art for a while. If i go hungry, then I’ll think about it once I get hungry. I could stand to lose a few thousand pounds anyway.
My creative outlets are playing music on various instruments, composing/songwriting, writing, looking for real estate deals, and thinking about creating some new real estate complexes especially for HSP types that need help (which I don’t do since I have no money but I would love to and always have wanted to do that as a matter of fact). I’ve tried to start getting into drawing and art recently but really simple stuff like scribble art where you find something in the scribbles and color it in. I bought some crayons, colored pencils, markers, oil pastels, just to see what I can enjoy doing with it. I haven’t tried it yet but I will soon.
I don’t know what the book is where the zen dude works at a gas station. Is the movie Clerks based on it? Just kidding. 🙂